Debunking Four Myths About Trauma and Memory - Do All Trauma Memories Feel Vivid to Survivors?

It's time to shatter some misconceptions.

In my work as a psychotherapist specializing in trauma therapy, I’ve seen how pervasive misunderstandings about trauma and memory can be. These misconceptions are more than just innocent errors - they can significantly impact how survivors of childhood trauma view their experiences and healing journeys. Understanding the truth behind these myths has been extremely helpful for many of my clients and for anyone on the path to healing from trauma. Empowering survivors with accurate information, which can be a game-changer in their recovery process, is key to creating a more trauma-informed world.

I’ve especially noticed numerous misconceptions about the nature of trauma and memory. Dispelling these myths is a helpful step towards fostering genuine healing and promoting emotional intelligence and resilience. In the journey toward recovery and reconnection, developing an accurate understanding of the impact of trauma and trauma memories is one of the first steps.

Understanding the connection between trauma memories and your symptoms in the present is complex. There are many ill-informed (though perhaps well-intentioned) people speaking on trauma and trauma healing who are not aware of the actual biological and physiological impact of trauma and who provide misleading and unhelpful information about trauma. 

These misconceptions are only highlighted when highly publicized trials centering on abuse question victims based on their memory of a situation - if this experience was so bad, wouldn’t she remember all of it clearly?

So it's high time we set the record straight. The beliefs we hold about our memories and past experiences can significantly affect our healing process in trauma therapy and survivors deserve accurate information.

So let’s do this - let’s navigate through the fog of misinformation and emerge on the other side armed with knowledge and ready to defy the many myths about trauma and memory that survivors face daily.

Myth #1: Trauma Is Always Captured in the Form of Vivid Memories

This misconception is both outdated and wildly unhelpful for many survivors of trauma. The idea that all traumatic events are clearly imprinted in the mind (almost like a photograph or a video) is a common misunderstanding of the nature of traumatic memory, and can often show up when survivors first attend trauma therapy. The myth usually goes like this: if someone experienced something awful and overwhelming, they should probably remember every moment of the event in vivid detail. It makes sense that this myth is out there - of course it seems plausible that if something is intense and life changing, the survivor will capture that memory clearly (and maybe even re-live it over and over in detail). Who could forget some of the worst moments of their life?

But based on my experience in helping survivors of childhood trauma, I've found that the way trauma is remembered can vary significantly from person to person.

Why do some folks still believe this myth? Often, it's because of a simplistic view of how memory works. Our culture tends to oversimplify memory and the brain, believing in the false idea that our brain records memories like a camera records videos, especially when it comes to significant life events. It can be easy to fall into the trap of believing this myth because it seems logical – the more impactful the event, the clearer the memory should be, right? But that's not how our brains process traumatic events.

Trauma can actually alter the way memories are formed, stored, and recalled.

The brain has various mechanisms for coping with trauma, one of which is dissociation, where a person may not fully process a traumatic event as it happens. This can lead to fragmented or incomplete memories. In my experience, dissociation is extraordinarily common among survivors.

So ditch the idea that trauma memories are encoded vividly on the mind of survivors and that if you don’t have vivid memories of what happened it must not have been that bad. The variability in trauma memory is a normal part of the human experience. Understanding this can empower survivors with the knowledge that how much or how little they remember about their traumatic experiences does not invalidate their trauma. This truth can help survivors in their healing journey, offering them a more compassionate and realistic perspective on their experiences.

Myth #2: Forgetting Traumatic Events Means They Didn’t Happen

Ah yes, the familiar fallback of abusive families everywhere - “I don’t remember that! It must not have happened.” 

If you have spent any time exploring the parts of TikTok full of parents venting about how their adult children have cut them off, you might have encountered the myth that not remembering a traumatic event means that it must not have happened. This is far from the truth. 

Many people mistakenly believe that if someone involved in the traumatic event cannot recall it, that implies the event didn't occur or wasn't severe. This myth persists because there's a natural tendency to equate memory with facts - if something significant happened, surely it would be etched in our memory, right? This line of thinking, however, ignores the complex nature of trauma and how the brain processes it.

The truth: Forgetting or having fragmented memories of trauma is a well-documented psychological response. 

The brain sometimes protects itself by suppressing painful or traumatic memories, a phenomenon known as dissociative amnesia. The absence of clear memories of trauma does not mean the event didn’t happen. Instead, it reflects the brain's capacity to cope with overwhelming experiences and validates a perfectly normal coping mechanism that many brains turn to when faced with overwhelming circumstances - helping the survivor to disconnect and reduce the emotional harm of the event. 

Additionally, abusers may not have clear memories of the events because they were overwhelmed or experiencing dissociative rage when it occurred. They may also benefit from forgetting or numbing out the worst things they have done in their lives and certainly have a good reason for minimizing and denying the abuse that occurred.

Understanding the role of dissociation in memory is vital for survivors of childhood trauma. It validates their experiences and feelings, even in the absence of concrete memories. It also helps in therapy, allowing both therapists and survivors to work through the healing process with an understanding that memory can be complex and does not define the reality of one’s traumatic experiences.

Myth #3: Trauma Memories are Permanent and Unchageable

Because our culture has a poor understanding of the nature of memory, I can totally understand why someone would believe that trauma memories are unchangeable and permanent (especially if they have experienced consistent, unvarying flashbacks or snippets of memory over time). It's a common misconception, and while it might seem that traumatic memories are fixed and unalterable, re-evaluating this belief allows for a more nuanced understanding of memory and healing.

The idea that trauma memories are set in stone is based on a simplified understanding of memory. Memory isn’t a recording. Memories, including traumatic memories, are not static. They can change over time as we grow, heal, and gain new perspectives.

Viewing trauma memories as fixed and unchangeable can be harmful to survivors of childhood trauma. While believing in the permanence of these memories might offer a sense of consistency or validation, it can also trap individuals in a cycle of re-experiencing and distress or sap survivors ability to build hope for recovery.

The truth is that our understanding and relationship with trauma memories can evolve as we process our experiences, especially in therapeutic settings like trauma therapy and EMDR. 

Rather than viewing these memories as fixed in the brain, survivors can learn to contextualize and reframe their experiences, for example shifting from a child perspective of an event to an adult perspective through EMDR therapy. Survivors may also shift their view of their memories from the worst part of what occurred to a focus on how they got out of the situation or how it eventually ended.This approach allows for a transformation in how these memories impact their lives.

By recognizing that trauma memories can change and are not etched permanently in our minds, survivors can see a shift in their healing journey. This realization opens the door to a more adaptive approach to dealing with past trauma, fostering resilience and empowering survivors with the knowledge that they have the agency and power to redefine their relationship with their memories.

Myth #4: Recalling Traumatic Memories is Always Painful and Damaging

In a world that often encourages sweeping our painful experiences under the rug, it’s unsurprising that this myth has stuck around. We live in a world that encourages us to “move on” and “get over it.” This leads to a common misconception that revisiting traumatic memories, especially from childhood, is invariably harmful and re-traumatizing. This belief likely stems from the instinct to protect ourselves from pain and the societal narrative that “moving on” means not looking back.

However, as a therapist specializing in trauma therapy, including EMDR, I can attest that the path to healing from trauma is far more nuanced. 

While recalling traumatic memories can be challenging, it's a crucial part of the therapeutic process. In a controlled and supportive environment, revisiting these memories can lead to understanding, integration, and eventually, healing.

People still believe in this myth because there's a natural tendency to avoid pain. It's human to think that steering clear of painful memories is the best way to heal. This belief is further reinforced by societal messages that emphasize “getting over” trauma rather than working through it.

Even though well-meaning individuals around you may be telling you that revisiting traumatic memories will only cause more pain, there is power in understanding the context and the impact of these memories. The truth is, with the right therapeutic approach, recalling traumatic memories can be a transformative experience. It's not just about facing the pain; it's about reprocessing and reframing these memories, which can ultimately lead to a sense of empowerment and closure.

The ultimate takeaway is that while recalling traumatic memories is not without its challenges, it is a vital step in the journey of healing from childhood trauma. It’s about finding a balance between acknowledging the pain and working towards understanding and integration, ultimately leading to a healthier mental and emotional state.

The lasting impact of believing these myths

Believing in these myths can significantly impede the healing process for survivors of childhood trauma, trapping them in misconceptions and hindering their journey towards recovery. Continuing to let these myths dictate how we view trauma and memory could lead to misunderstandings, ineffective therapy approaches, and a sense of isolation for those affected. It's never too late to challenge these myths and pave the way for a more informed, compassionate, and effective approach to healing from trauma.

Let us collectively challenge the harmful notion that trauma memories are always vivid, someone forgetting that they happened means that it didn’t happen, that trauma memories are unchangeable, and that recalling them is invariably damaging. Instead, let's embrace the truths that memory is complex, dissociation is a normal response, memories can evolve, and revisiting them can be a part of healing.

Breaking free from the shackles of these myths empowers you to approach your healing journey with a renewed perspective, one that acknowledges the intricacies of the human mind and the resilience of the human spirit.

Ready to explore this further in therapy?

If you've been navigating the complex journey of healing from childhood trauma, know that your experiences and feelings are valid, even in the face of these common myths. I support survivors of childhood trauma who are seeking to understand and heal from their past experiences by helping them find empowerment and peace in their healing process.

Schedule a 20-minute free consultation by clicking the button below to discuss how we can work together towards your healing journey.